postpartum

My Struggle With Mental Health…

Mental Health Awareness Month

[Literally, I’m Naked] 

I used to lie about it. I’d say to people, I had all of my shit put together. 

I made it seem and look like everything was going well. That I was doing great. 

Everyone looking into my life, thought things were perfect. 

What they didn’t see though? 

I hated my body and had really terrible health habits. 

I hated the way I would think. 

I hated my jealousy, my envy. 

I hated my dreams and goals. 

I drank so I could feel NUMB, everyday. 

I hated my story and my past. I often would think of ending my life just to offload the burden. 

I hated that I had absolutely no true friends because I lied to them. 

I hated myself and was falling into depression. 

You may think this is unbelievable seeing that I am now so peppy and happy. 

I’m not. I struggle daily with keeping my head above water. I can promise you that. 

I consistently find myself drowning in self doubt, fear, and sabotaging what I have. 

I never feel good enough.  

I feel inadequate.  

I have at least 2 anxiety attacks a week. They did not go away. 

So, what is it that is different? 

My coping strategies.  

I’ve learned that everything starts with self love.  

I had to learn how to love myself, even my flaws. 

I’m here, naked, literally, telling you that your flaws are fucking beautiful. 

My body is beautiful. I feed it and cherish it. 

My thoughts are perfect and justified, regardless of if they are not positive. 

I still find myself in envy occasionally but I am able to remind myself of all the wonderful things I have going for ME. 

I have MASSIVE dreams and goals that I never thought possible. 

I drink socially, occasionally. 

I OWN my story. My past. Because that is how you get me today. And I LOVE living. 

I have a tribe who supports everything I do and a husband that supports me with anything. 

But most importantly. 

I love myself. I love who I am. Who I am becoming.  

I am still anxiety. I am still envy. I am still guilt. I am still shame. 

But I’m also overcoming.  

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Reach out to someone <3  

Let's Talk About It...

What is your vagina supposed to look like?

I know, I said it. Out loud and everyone is uncomfortable. But let me tell you something. If you do not know what “normal” or “supposed to look like is, then how will you ever know if something is wrong or not? I mean, come on!

There are some things to consider when using the word “normal” though. First and foremost, please understand that everyone is different. All vaginas are different. All labias are different. All clitoris’s are different.

What I mean when I say “normal” is, are you seeing what you have always seen or are you seeing something out of place?

Your vagina is adaptable. You will go through changes and notice differences when you become pregnant and postpartum, menopause, etc. but you should still be in tune with what your “normal” is so that you know when seeing someone is necessary.

I have attached a video talking about just general anatomy of the vagina, but please note there are many more layers. I will be presenting this the best I can for future purposes, so keep checking my youtube channel!

Okay, so we are ready to look. I recommend either a deep squat with a mirror on the floor, or sitting with a handheld between your legs or a mirror on the floor in front of you.

What are we looking for?

After watching the video below, you want to consider these things for YOUR vagina:

  1. Color of tissue. You should have a nice pink, healthy color to your vagina, especially inside the labia "lips)

  2. Labia. Pay attention to how your tissue typically lays. Do you have the labia minora that is going further than the labia majora (this is not a negative thing), is the labia hanging down? Get to know your labia!

  3. What happens when you kegel. When you properly perform a pelvic floor contraction, do you notice a nice, healthy close and lift? If not, why?

  4. What happens when you cough. Is there tissue coming out? Is there discharge coming out with coughing? Do you close and lift with your cough?

  5. Where is your clit? I know, you’re laughing. That’s okay! But if you know where it is, you are more likely to be able to get the sensations you truly want and be able to communicate with your partner.

  6. How wide is your hole? This is important because when you become pregnant and when you give birth, this can change, but you need to be able to understand what is your normal.

Hopefully you are viewing what you need to be viewing! If you are still curious and need some help, reach out and let me know!

But with that being the normal stuff you should know about, what are some things to be concerned about?

  1. Tissue color being red, purple, or any color not pink. If there is blood or any tissue color that may be abnormal, please note you should get that checked. This includes warts, spots, moles that are abnormal, new “pimples” or spots as well.

  2. Tissue coming to the outside of your vagina. This can be an indicator of prolapse or something going on that needs to be treated.

If you notice that your anatomy does not look like that of the pictures or my video DON”T FREAK OUT! It may be totally normal. Please understand that you could have a perfectly normal vagina, just different anatomy.

I often find myself bringing out a mirror to show my patients what they should be looking for. Please let me know if you need this! I can find someone in your area to help you.

In the mean time….happy vagina searching!!