mindsetreset

My Struggle With Mental Health…

Mental Health Awareness Month

[Literally, I’m Naked] 

I used to lie about it. I’d say to people, I had all of my shit put together. 

I made it seem and look like everything was going well. That I was doing great. 

Everyone looking into my life, thought things were perfect. 

What they didn’t see though? 

I hated my body and had really terrible health habits. 

I hated the way I would think. 

I hated my jealousy, my envy. 

I hated my dreams and goals. 

I drank so I could feel NUMB, everyday. 

I hated my story and my past. I often would think of ending my life just to offload the burden. 

I hated that I had absolutely no true friends because I lied to them. 

I hated myself and was falling into depression. 

You may think this is unbelievable seeing that I am now so peppy and happy. 

I’m not. I struggle daily with keeping my head above water. I can promise you that. 

I consistently find myself drowning in self doubt, fear, and sabotaging what I have. 

I never feel good enough.  

I feel inadequate.  

I have at least 2 anxiety attacks a week. They did not go away. 

So, what is it that is different? 

My coping strategies.  

I’ve learned that everything starts with self love.  

I had to learn how to love myself, even my flaws. 

I’m here, naked, literally, telling you that your flaws are fucking beautiful. 

My body is beautiful. I feed it and cherish it. 

My thoughts are perfect and justified, regardless of if they are not positive. 

I still find myself in envy occasionally but I am able to remind myself of all the wonderful things I have going for ME. 

I have MASSIVE dreams and goals that I never thought possible. 

I drink socially, occasionally. 

I OWN my story. My past. Because that is how you get me today. And I LOVE living. 

I have a tribe who supports everything I do and a husband that supports me with anything. 

But most importantly. 

I love myself. I love who I am. Who I am becoming.  

I am still anxiety. I am still envy. I am still guilt. I am still shame. 

But I’m also overcoming.  

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Reach out to someone <3