I've Always Thought I Was Fat

I was a ballet dancer for years.⁠ 

 I had a really messed up vision for what I was "supposed to look like."⁠ 

I used to make myself throw up so I wouldn't gain weight.⁠  

I used to flip a hairbow on my wrist until it bruised as a punishment and as a reminder that I was worthless.⁠ 

 

I got injured, rolled my ankle, significantly, which ended up ending my dance career. I wanted to give up. My entire world stopped.⁠ So, I started to find my relief in food. Not good food either, but fast foods, sugar, alcohol.... I was trying to drown out all of my emotions.⁠ 

 

I gained about 20 pounds in this time frame and began to hate everything about myself.⁠ 

I wouldn't:⁠ 

  • Go to pool parties or the beach in a bathing suit.⁠ 
  • Allow my partner to see me with the lights on.⁠ 
  • Look at myself in the mirror.⁠ 

This picture depicts the story of a 28 year old girl who has gone up and down with her weight, has struggled with her mindset, and has always thought she was fat...⁠ 

 But this picture also shows someone who has overcome hating herself.⁠ 

I have replaced the food and eating disorder with:⁠ 

  • Self love and self care. Exercise that I enjoy.⁠ 
  • Healthy foods that fulfill me and help me live my life.⁠ 

 

Today, I’m proud of my body.

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