[Literally, I’m Naked]
I used to lie about it. I’d say to people, I had all of my shit put together.
I made it seem and look like everything was going well. That I was doing great.
Everyone looking into my life, thought things were perfect.
What they didn’t see though?
I hated my body and had really terrible health habits.
I hated the way I would think.
I hated my jealousy, my envy.
I hated my dreams and goals.
I drank so I could feel NUMB, everyday.
I hated my story and my past. I often would think of ending my life just to offload the burden.
I hated that I had absolutely no true friends because I lied to them.
I hated myself and was falling into depression.
You may think this is unbelievable seeing that I am now so peppy and happy.
I’m not. I struggle daily with keeping my head above water. I can promise you that.
I consistently find myself drowning in self doubt, fear, and sabotaging what I have.
I never feel good enough.
I feel inadequate.
I have at least 2 anxiety attacks a week. They did not go away.
So, what is it that is different?
My coping strategies.
I’ve learned that everything starts with self love.
I had to learn how to love myself, even my flaws.
I’m here, naked, literally, telling you that your flaws are fucking beautiful.
My body is beautiful. I feed it and cherish it.
My thoughts are perfect and justified, regardless of if they are not positive.
I still find myself in envy occasionally but I am able to remind myself of all the wonderful things I have going for ME.
I have MASSIVE dreams and goals that I never thought possible.
I drink socially, occasionally.
I OWN my story. My past. Because that is how you get me today. And I LOVE living.
I have a tribe who supports everything I do and a husband that supports me with anything.
But most importantly.
I love myself. I love who I am. Who I am becoming.
I am still anxiety. I am still envy. I am still guilt. I am still shame.
But I’m also overcoming.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Reach out to someone <3