Our Love Story 

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I was 19.  

I had just left a man who beat me and betrayed me over and over again. 

I was looking for anything that would stop the pain.  

 

I was failing Chemistry.  

I reached out to a few people who mentioned I could get a tutor. 

I had to find someone, anyone. 

 

I was invited to your house by a mutual friend of ours, she said you may be interested in helping me with chemistry. 

At that time I thought she meant the class. 

I expected nothing, but left with everything. 

I met you for the first time and my very first thought, before even knowing your name was, “Wow, those eyes could kill.” 

 

You see, you’re very confident about your eyes, as you should be.  
I do not typically notice these things. 

I’m known to look right through people, but I could not see past you. 

 

I would look at you and my whole world had to stop. 

I did not believe in love at first sight, I did not at that time believe in true love. 

I never thought we would become a “thing.” 

 

The next day you sent me a message saying, “Hello, beautiful.” 

And I was stuck on this for hours. 

How could you see me as beautiful? I was damaged goods. 

 

I did not respond.  

4 days later it was Valentine’s Day and I was at home studying for Chemistry. 

Which, by the way, you never truly helped me with…😜

 

I got a knock on the door. 

In my sweatpants, t shirt, no bra, glasses, and bun on the top of my head... I answered the door. 

To see you standing in my doorway with your backwards hat, your white shirt, and the words, “Umm happy valentine’s day?” 

 

You had Wendy’s in your hand, a tiny teddy bear, and a box of chocolate. 

No one, except my father, had ever gone out of their way to make me feel special for Valentine’s Day.  

There were those eyes....again. 

 

5 Days later, I get a message from you saying, “Will you be my girlfriend?” 

We had not spent much time together, so I could not figure out why in the world you would want me. 

But you did. 

 

You were persistent with sweet, kind messages every single day since the first day we met. 

So, I took a leap of faith and I let myself say yes. 

Fast forward to 7 years later when I said “I do.” 

 

And now, 2 years after being married, saying “I will, forever.”  

DEFEATED

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So last week I told you a little bit about my journey and life of having pelvic floor dysfunction and being disrespected in the healthcare system. I also mentioned to you about my journey to becoming a pelvic floor physical therapist myself. 

I started my first job fresh out of Doctorate of Physical Therapy school in 2016. I was excited, nervous, but I was SO READY to change the lives of so many women who were suffering silently.  

I started to treat in Orthopedics (shoulder, knee, back, hip, foot, etc.) until I was able to go to my courses that would allow me to treat pelvic floor dysfunction.  

On my first day of my first course, I was so conflicted with the fact that I had not learned about these techniques, treatments, or methods until now! I was upset that I had no knowledge of these treatments all the way through my doctoral program. 

I became OBSESSED.  

Then I realized that the healthcare model is not equipped for my dreams and ambitions. 

I got my training and was seeing 2-3 patients per hour. 

I was not getting paid much money, I paid a lot for school and could not pay for my living expenses. 

But most importantly. My patients were being IGNORED in the healthcare system. The complaint of incontinence or peeing your pants was considered NORMAL. It was considered to be something that "just happens." My patients were being told their pain and their dysfunctions were in their head and they needed to remember it was normal. 

I was disgusted. I was working SO hard to see my 20+ patients a day, to help them, to make them feel loved, listened to, cared for....that.... 

I burnt out and got very sick. I ended up getting so sick that I was in and out of the hospital due to the stress of the job for about 3 months.  

It's amazing how things can change in an instance. My husband and I thought I was looking at my last days as a physical therapist and potentially my last days living... 

Now I realized I had to make a HUGE move and I'll tell you about it in the following blog..... 

Look out for my blog next week with the subject line, "Dr. Kaylee Makes a Move."  

Love, 

Dr. Kaylee 

The Beginning of the Journey!

I want to thank you for being a part of my community and family again and for the support you give by reading each of these for me. 

I want to let you in to my story because my story makes me who I am today... and if you're going to have a pelvic floor physical therapist as a provider, you want to have someone that you can relate with. 

I have a 20 year history of being a dancer. I always wanted to be a professional dancer. I dreamed of it, I could taste it. But at the age of 15 my dreams were crushed by the fact that I (please understand this is extremely difficult to be letting you know) was raped. This traumatic event led me to having urinary incontinence and I would pee my pants any time I danced or I was active. I also had pelvic pain, consistent urinary tract infections, and frequent constipation because I had so much pain.  

These symptoms caused me to be so embarrassed about my condition that I would skip dance practice, I would stop trying out for the harder roles, I was just not able to reach my personal best. I was so embarrassed, I was disgusted, I was overwhelmed, I felt guilty and was so full of shame, I had no positive feelings or things to say about myself. 

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I went until I was about 25 years old (that is 10 years) of dealing with these symptoms. At that point, I was in a doctorate program to become a physical therapist and had no idea pelvic floor physical therapy existed. I went to a clinician and watched how it worked and realized I had a MASSIVE desire to exercise without peeing myself and to have sex without pain, get rid of the pelvic pain all together. I also realized I have a desire to help other women suffering silently. 

I finally went to a healthcare provider, who told me to see a counselor for my "concerns" about pain and leakage. I was observing other pelvic floor physical therapists who would hook their patients up to some machine for 15 minutes. I was running into a road block for my dream of becoming symptoms free.  

Remember how I wanted to help women and help myself? Well, I was being told I'm crazy and it couldn't be done. I was told by other pelvic floor therapists that "this is just how it's done." I felt extremely defeated.  

Next week, I'll have another blog on how this led me finding my own answers and creating the business I have today. Be on the lookout for subject line, "DEFEATED." 

See you next week! 

Love, 

Dr. Kaylee 

My Struggle With Mental Health…

Mental Health Awareness Month

[Literally, I’m Naked] 

I used to lie about it. I’d say to people, I had all of my shit put together. 

I made it seem and look like everything was going well. That I was doing great. 

Everyone looking into my life, thought things were perfect. 

What they didn’t see though? 

I hated my body and had really terrible health habits. 

I hated the way I would think. 

I hated my jealousy, my envy. 

I hated my dreams and goals. 

I drank so I could feel NUMB, everyday. 

I hated my story and my past. I often would think of ending my life just to offload the burden. 

I hated that I had absolutely no true friends because I lied to them. 

I hated myself and was falling into depression. 

You may think this is unbelievable seeing that I am now so peppy and happy. 

I’m not. I struggle daily with keeping my head above water. I can promise you that. 

I consistently find myself drowning in self doubt, fear, and sabotaging what I have. 

I never feel good enough.  

I feel inadequate.  

I have at least 2 anxiety attacks a week. They did not go away. 

So, what is it that is different? 

My coping strategies.  

I’ve learned that everything starts with self love.  

I had to learn how to love myself, even my flaws. 

I’m here, naked, literally, telling you that your flaws are fucking beautiful. 

My body is beautiful. I feed it and cherish it. 

My thoughts are perfect and justified, regardless of if they are not positive. 

I still find myself in envy occasionally but I am able to remind myself of all the wonderful things I have going for ME. 

I have MASSIVE dreams and goals that I never thought possible. 

I drink socially, occasionally. 

I OWN my story. My past. Because that is how you get me today. And I LOVE living. 

I have a tribe who supports everything I do and a husband that supports me with anything. 

But most importantly. 

I love myself. I love who I am. Who I am becoming.  

I am still anxiety. I am still envy. I am still guilt. I am still shame. 

But I’m also overcoming.  

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Reach out to someone <3  

Meet Your Vagina Doctor Day

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Thank you so much for joining my family and being a part of my blogs. I love being able to share with you all the things about my life and things I’ve gone through. 

I want to get to know you and I think it's important that you get to know me. 

When it comes to choosing your care team, I think it's extremely important to "get" the person. So I felt I needed to let you into my story and hopefully it will resonate with you. 

Feel free to reach out to me as I would love to learn more about you too. 

I read my emails and I do not bite so feel free to tell me about yourself! 

I believe the biggest thing about choosing a healthcare provider is to truly get to know them and have a relationship with them. It is something that is missed out on a lot....and something I refuse to give up. 

Without a relationship and a connection, how in the world can I expect you to trust me with your care or to guide you?  

This month, each week you are going to get a new glimpse into my story. 

Next week, you will be reading “The Beginning of the Journey!”

See you then!